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Q. Ever wonder what they mean by "elk management?"
A. No.

Q. What's the meaning of life?
A. 29 cent hamburgers at McDonald's.

Q. No, seriously, what's the point of mankind?
A. To really find the meaning of mankind we must look at the word itself- "mankind." It's obviously made up of two words, "mank" and "ind." What do these words mean? They're a mystery, and so is mankind.

Q. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
A. Jiggawut?

Q. If a tree falls on a mime in the forest, does anyone care?
A. That's not funny, OK. My best friend was a mime and he got killed by a tree. Thanks for bringing it up, insensitive jerk.

Q. Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
A. Everyone knows bullets are attracted to your heart. Therefore only the top of your body needs to be covered. And bullets never really hit people in the head anyways.

Q. How do you tell if there's a bomb in a box?
A. All bombs are equipped with a red digital display on front to designate them as explosives. And don't worry, they always stop on 00:01 anyways, so they're not really a threat to anyone.

Q. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
A. Gee I dunno. Go ask a rabbit.

Q. Which is better, the U.S. or Haiti?
A. Yes.

Q. What's your favorite kind of music?
A. Huh? What are you trying to say about my mama?

Q. How many calories are in a candy bar?
A. About 250,000  actually