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Funny/Off the Wall Quotes
"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. "
[last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)]
"This isn't right, this isn't even wrong."
[Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist's paper]
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction."
[General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)]
"There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams."
[Mary Ellen Kelly]
"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."
[Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary]
"I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!"
"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting"
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car."
"All power corrupts, but we need the electricity."
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?"
[Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)]
"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do."
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
[Saint Augustine (354-430)]
"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment."
"I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it."
"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject."
"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing."
"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it."
[Groucho Marx (1895-1977)]
"I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building."
"When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'"
"There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."
[Oscar Levant (1906-1972)]
Some days you're the dog, and some days you're the hydrant.
Disney World is the biggest people trap ever built by a mouse.
The fellow who thinks he knows it all is especially annoying to those of us who do.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
[Groucho Marx (1890-1977)]
Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining?